I’ve always felt that the best way to deal with what I call “drama” is to take the high road. There have been many times when I have been tempted to deal with a person on their level, but have pulled back and taken the high road, either ignoring the offending behavior or simply walking away.
I am, by no means, a saint. I have fallen short. I have engaged in less than admirable actions and exchanges. Thankfully, those times are few and I totally regret them.
The most recent was last night. I totally lost my temper and had a screaming fit.
My son is an easygoing guy. Not too much bothers him, or at least it doesn’t seem to. In terms of keeping things neat and clean, it’s just not something that interests him and the mess is not an issue for him, unless I make it so. But I get tired of asking, requesting, and then demanding, and getting little or no cooperation.
The other night, he told me that he really doesn’t mind walking the dog for me at night. I sighed in relief and told him that I would really appreciate it if he would do it every night, because there are so many cats out at night and it takes strength to hold onto my dog (The Cat Hunter) and keep him walking when a cat is within 100 yards. He said sure. One night later, I ask if he has walked the dog and he replies, “I forgot about that” Ok, could he take care of it now? Suffice it to say that I ended up taking the dog out and fuming the whole way. The poor dog knew better than to try to chase any cats (although he could clearly smell them about) or to act other than perfectly for me, thank goodness. By the time I got back to the house, I was boiling over, and I let my son have it.
I haven’t yelled at anyone in over 10 years. I just don’t believe you have to yell to communicate. Well, a large majority of the time. This time, I had just reached my limit.
I realize that reaching my limit is my fault; I could have been firmer along the way. This is my life, and I am the only one in control. My son didn’t make me angry; I made me angry by not handling all of this — my relationship with my son — differently.
The lessons for me:
- Take care of little problems before they become big problems.
- Use the necessary energy, firmness, persistence to make sure the little problems are handled. Forever. The first time.
- Realize that my emotions belong to me, and no one else.
- Sometimes, when dealing with your children, you have to get loud so they can hear you.
- Dogs know better when to behave sometimes than children do!
Being Deb 